Monday, 21 December 2015

Amy Watches - Star Wars


Ok, first up I just want to say this is probably going to be a pretty long post because I'm reviewing the six original Star Wars movies. Also I feel like since the films have been out for almost 40 years now I don't need to put 'Spoilers' in the title, but just in case - there are a few spoilers in this review!

So, confession time - I've never actually watched Star Wars. Pretty bad I know but it's Star Wars; even if you've never actually seen it, it's so well known that you've pretty much seen it. With the new movie currently out I thought I would sit down and marathon the original films. Here are some thoughts I had whilst watching! -

Star Wars: A New Hope
- Nice font, at least it's not comic sans
- YAASSS LEIA GET YO CINNAMON BUNS OUT
- Is...Is Luke a robot slave trader? Ha he's a nerd
- NO LUKE STOP IT SHE'S YOUR SISTER
- U go R2, u don't belong to anyone
- Ben Kenobe - the first instance of celebrities changing their names
- Ooo not a good enough reason to use the word 'penetrate' 
- 'I'm more evil' 'no I'M more evil'
- Omg Luke keeps looking into the distance like he's Zoolander
- This world is so rude to robots. They allow murder in this bar but not robots?!
- Jabba is litch just a slug with arms
- ROBERT THE FETA CHEESE! (or Boba Fett as he is more widely known)
- I think I'm in love with Han Solo, uh oh
- Oh bye Alderaan
- Is that Jedi chess?
- Yes C-3PO question their morals on robots!
- Obi Wan: Life coach extraordinaire!
- It's a really good thing these Storm Troopers are such bad shots
- "I can't see a thing in this helmet" THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SUCH BAD SHOTS!
- Han Solo saying that everything is normal is litch me on the phone
- Everything R2-D2 does is very phallic
- OMG SOMEONE ACTUALLY GOT SHOT!
- Omg the two robots are so in love
- The End!

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
- Eww a robot sky jellyfish
- Is that the abominable snowman?
- Han Solo is ma Star Wars bae
- Eat Luke, save the Ton Tons! Well that's what you get for eating a ton ton
- Luke SNOWalker amirite?
- EWWWWW UR BROTHER AND SISTER! UR GONNA REGRET THAT SO MUCH!
- I wonder what chewbacca looks like hairless?
- NEVER MIND I GOOGLED IT, DON'T GOOGLE IT!
- I relate to chewy in the way that I too am hairy and scream a lot
- I think I remember playing this level in a Star Wars game
- C-3PO is so in love with R2-D2. Stop hurting R2-D2 1k980!
- Han Solo: sass master
- Hey it's green ET! Wow Yoda you a dick
- C-3PO: moment killer!
- Was it really necessary to do a handstand AND balance Yoda on your foot?
- "I cant it's too big" That's what she said
- DID C-3PO JUST DIE?????
- Oh Obi Wan's had a shave since he died, that's nice
- Urgh Lando stop creepin' on my home gal
- Haaaan nooooo my bae!
- PARKOUR
- Aww dat face tho Luke
- The End

Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi
- DUUUUN DUUUN DUNDUNDUNDUN DUN
- Ooo new death moon
- OMG stop the robot slavery!
- Is that the popcorn face orc from Lord Of The Rings?
- Omg now I'm emotional cus of that crying dude?!
- ROBERT NOOO
- YAAASSSS LEIA KILL DIS SEXIST SLUG
- Aww Yoda. Well you were kind of a dick...
- That is dodgy logic at best Obi Wan js. Omg he told him the truth!
- 'Ewww, I kissed my sister?'
- OMG TEDDY BEARS!
- Finally the recognition C-3PO deserves
- :O ADORABLE BABY EWOK
- 'Ur my sister and we kissed' *Leia vomits*
- "Somehow I've always known" I REALLY HOPE NOT LEIA
- I love Han Solo's technique of the opposite shoulder tap
- OMG THE TEDDY DIED AND HIS FRIEND IS SAD AND NOW I AM SAD
- I don't understand one word the fish man is saying
- These teddies are stone cold murderers and I love them
- "Eww dad no offence but u look gross"
- I swear Luke is more upset about his evil dad being dead than his aunt and uncle who legit raised him???
- "He's my brother" BUT U KISSED *Han vomits*
- The end!

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
- Man that was a lot of long words
- Silver C-3PO?!
- Oh hey Liam Neeson
- Obi Wan what is with the weird ponytail?
- Stop the endless robot murder!
- Yass Natalie Portman!
- Omg I hate Jar Jar Binks already
- Ah more evil things that are bad shots
- Omg it's the focus guy from Agent Carter!
- C-3PO & R2-D2 MEETING!
- So ur gonna trust a 9 year old with ur entire mission? Smart move guys!
- Gurl u just wake up 1 day randomly pregnant and u don't freak out?!?
- Is...Is Anakin Star Wars Jesus?
- Omg it's slugface
- Omg Jar Jar shut your face
- Just send your kid off with a random guy u just met, totally safe!
- The fact that Anakin is 9 and Padme is 14 here just makes me feel weird
- :O NICK FURY!
- I feel physically offended by the Jar Jar Binks people
- OMG double Lightsaber! I want one
- OH MY GOD WILL SOMEONE JUST KILL JAR JAR BINKS ALREADY
- Noooo Liam Neeson!
- Aww biggest mistake ever Obi Wan
- The End!

Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones
- Omg please no more Jar Jar Binks
- Omg now Anakin has that weird ponytail, is it just something all Jedi's have?
- Don't just assume all assassins are men Anakin js...
- "You're going to be the death of me" FORESHADOWING
- Anakin don't be creepin'
- Omg did this just pass the bechdel test?!
- Storm Troopers are just clones? Shoulda cloned someone who has good aim js
- Padme, there are so many warning sign's of evil, u should probs run away
- BABY ROBERT THE FETA CHEESE!
- Side note: I almost just fell off my bed
- COUNT SARUMAN!
- Oh no Anakins mum. He totes gonna murder these sand peeps
- R U TELLIN' ME THAT JAR JAR FUCKING BINKS IS THE REASON PALPATINE GOT INTO POWER AND LITCH ALMOST TOOK OVER THE WORLD?!?!?!?!?!
- C-3PO and R2-D2 r saving this movie for me
- Omg Anakin and Padme are so soppy I hate them
- Is this the hunger games?
- Ok Padme jumping onto that rhino thing would have probs split her in half js
- Hey, I've played this level in Lego Star Wars!
- "I'm programmed for etiquette not destruction" Same C-3PO
- Oh baby Robert <3
- *Count tries to kill Yoda* 'Nah I'm Yoda'
- Anakin: 'Please don't hug me my arm just got chopped off and I am in pain'
- The End!

Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith
- Yaass R2-D2! Uhuh excuse you, you do not insult my R2-D2
- DID THAT DICK JUST KICK MY BAE?
- How did no one see that Emperor Palpatine is evil?
- C-3PO!
- Omg Padme has the cinnamon buns!
- That evil coughing robot looks like death from Harry Potter
- Urm the chancellor is pretty evil Anakin
- CHEWY! LOTS OF CHEWY'S!
- Why are all these aliens so creepy lookin'?
- URGH ANAKIN WHY U SUCH A DOUCHE?
- Emperor bein' well creepy rn
- Wow, Obi Wan just actually killed an evil dude! 4 for u Obi Wan u go!
- Oh Anakin don't be a twat
- What is the fascination with cutting off hands in this movie?
- So that's why Emperor Palpatine wears a hood, cus he UGLY
- Wow Anakin, u a fully fledged dickface now
- Don't you tell my R2 what to do
- Srsly Anakin? This is legit all ur fault, u killed a lot of people!
- Omg just kill him Obi Wan. U gonna regret that decision later
- Padme noooooo!
- Like father like son - hugely dramatic!
- Nooooooooo don't wipe C-3PO and R2's minds!
- Urgh Jar Jar Binks
- The End!

If you managed to actually read all of that well done! That was a lot of my ramblings!

I enjoyed Star Wars a lot more than I thought I would, the plot was really gripping and I never got bored watching. The animation is actually a lot better than I though it would be too (maybe even better than some CGI today)! I definitely enjoyed the first original three more than the later ones although that could be down to Jar Jar Binks (seriously that character was awful)!

C-3PO and R2-D2 are definitely my favourite characters, probably because everyone was so mean to them! I'm also slightly in love with Han Solo now. After all this Star Wars marathon-ing I can't wait to go see the new one tomorrow with my friends! 

Amy Rating - (In order of best to worst) The Empire Strikes Back, A New Hope, Return Of The Jedi, Revenge Of The Sith, Attack Of The Clones, The Phantom Menace. I give Star Wars an overall rating of 8/10. It was great, congratulate yourself!

What do you think about Star Wars?

Amy x

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